Dirt Road Blues

I'd like to have a talk with my mother here.  The Big one - Mother Nature. 

Listen, Mom, Spring's nice and all, but there's a reason we don't want it in February.  This is Michigan; dirt roads should be frozen and covered with snow.  I'm resigned to skipping the car wash every April and May, since I can't get back home without turning into a rolling wall of mud.  But come on, how long do I have to have a brown truck?  Yes, I did buy the model with a tan stripe along the bottom, but it's not supposed to be THAT big.