the barn in fall

the barn in fall

Saturday, May 14, 2011


That's for Biography, not Biology.  If you thought of the latter, congratulations on being an academic type, versed in both micro and macro.  If you thought the former, you might be a writer, because that's what they make us put at the back of our books.  (Or else you are job hunting and have been putting down way too much personal info on those resumes.  They really don't care if you love water skiing.)

One part of the bio bugs me in particular - the part where you list your expert experience.  Why?  Because it can sell your book on the spot.  If you pick up a book about mushroom hunting, you want to flip to the back and read that the author has stalked wild mushrooms from swamp to mountain top, eaten them, and never once had his stomach pumped.  A book on flying?  The author damn well better be a pilot.  It matters. 

But for romance novels?    Hmm, well, let's just say that experience aside, THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION.  Fellow romance author Roxanne St. Claire said she was tempted to fill out a questionaire asking for her job description with, "I make shit up."  Really, that's all you need - an imagination.  But I've met authors who started out as lawyers and medical doctors, and you'd better believe that goes in their bio, whether it matters to the story or not.  I assume the prospective reader is impressed that her Regency-era romance was written by someone who knows a tort from a tart.  (Ha!  That line made this whole post worth it.)

As you've no doubt figured out, I did not abandon an impressive profession to write romance novels.  Not unless you are an obsessive shopaholic, in which case you can drool over my past work in the misses department at Kohl's, complete with employee discounts.  Oh, yeah, I used 'em, too!  I've also been a medical secretary and partner in a cleaning business.  Unfortunately, no one is going to overheat at reading that.  Even my english degree sounds like a dry afterthought. 

So what to put down for my bio?  Eh, I gave them the dry, boring stuff.  But if I was honest, I'd say the best qualification for making shit up is having the time to do it.  Time when the author's head is not cluttered with the concerns of patients or clients or those edgy bargain shoppers.  If I'm honest, this is my best bio:

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